Laina & The Vamp

For every woman who ever loved a Vampire.

“What is your passion?” Vladimir asked Laina.

“White,” she replied without hesitation. “I eat cottage cheese and pot cheese, farmer’s cheese, ricotta, mozzarella, meringue, Reddi-whip, Cool Whip, mashed potatoes, white rice, spring turnips, and I drink non-fat milk and occasionally one glass of Chardonnay—maybe two.”

The Vampire watched her. Was she kidding? He was expecting something more like jewelry, lingerie, perfume.

“My skin is very pale, you see,” she continued, “I think I’m anemic.”

The Vampire muffled a groan, rolling his eyes in ecstasy. This made Laina unsure. After a noticeable interval, and out of sheer discomfort, she asked him the same question.

“What is your passion?”

Vladimir grew uneasy. His eyes moved to her watch and he smiled uncomfortably and then gazed off again. His favorite color was indeed black, possibly the only aesthetic principal he steadfastly maintained, but he had never been opposed to anything that smacked of style and excess, like red.

Finally he leaned into her and answered, “You.”